My name is Abby, I am 29 and from Liverpool. I have CMN covering my back and slightly onto my abdomen with multiple birthmarks and moles across my body.
I spent majority of my childhood and teenage years in hospital having multiple laser surgeries, dermabrasions and naevus removal to reduce the appearance of my CMN. Although this only made a small difference, regular hospital visits did not have a negative impact on me. The staff were so supportive whilst I was growing up.
As a child, I was very confident and outgoing. I did not experience much bullying throughout my childhood years and having CMN did not impact me too much.
Although I was confident growing up, my experience changed during my early teenage years starting senior school. I was regularly mocked and insulted by other pupils when first starting school. This also happened walking to and from school from others around my area. Every day I would stick up for myself and continue to go back into school, making sure I never let anyone see they got the better of me.
As I approached my late teens, insults from other people to my face seemed to stop. However, at this point I struggled mentally looking so different to everyone else. As I started to go out socially with friends. I tried my best to hide my CMN with concealer, body makeup or wearing clothes barely showing any skin. Which sometimes made me feel worse, as I felt so different and withdrawn compared to all my friends.
Being self-conscious and having a negative mindset about my CMN lasted from age around 12-24. Looking back, during that period of time being self-conscious over my CMN held me back from so many experiences in life.
Besides this, I have always been an outgoing social person. So, it comes as a surprise to people that I was struggling so much. During my 20s, as the years went by I made a conscious effort to change my mindset about my CMN. I slowly managed to achieve this by wearing clothes I wanted to wear (revealing my skin), going swimming alone, and wearing swimsuits on holidays without covering up. I would consciously expose my skin more to over come the fear of hiding it, and it worked. Which still to this day is the best decision I have ever made!
People would stare at me, but as time passed I realised this was normal and mostly a look of curiosity. I have found the more I embrace how I look, I actually feel 100 times more confident and actually prefer to look unique! I can honestly say I am now the happiest I have ever been.
Having CMN has made me more confident and resilient. This has resulted in a lot of achievements in other areas of life like my career and personal life, which makes me question would I be so strong minded now if I did not have CMN?
I cannot express how much of a different personal I am from 10 years ago. I think it is important to highlight how working on your mindset can be the best possible thing if you are struggling about something. I am proof that with effort and consistency over time, you can become the most confident strong person you were always meant to be!
